I am Na

2010-01-10T20:34:00.000-08:00

Sitting here drinking tea and listening to "9 Crimes" by Damien Rice... I love this song...

Thinking a bit about my life and the mistakes I've made... regrets... things I wish I had or hadn't done...

Thanking God for His grace...

everything skit

2009-08-31T20:36:00.000-07:00

"Broken"

2009-04-01T20:35:00.000-07:00

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time
I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead
I still see your reflection inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain, is there healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you throw my way
And I'm hanging on to the words you say
You said that I will be OK

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone
I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
with a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on,
I'm barely holdin' on to you

credit to lifehouse

Where I was... where I would be.....

2007-08-08T04:38:00.000-07:00

apart from God's amazing Grace:

For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.
Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen.
Romans 1:18-25

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now I'm found,
Was blind, but now, I see.

The Clash: Day 2

2007-08-07T21:11:00.000-07:00

Woke up early.... again.... 6:30. Got a shower.... read from Matthew, then went off to breakfast.

Today I was the "tech help guy", which means I just helped set up the projector. I had to be at the lectures early too. But, it was fun.

The first three lectures were given by Dr. Iain Duguid. The first one was on Science and Theology, and the relationship they share. He got into presupositions and the role they play in the pursuit of science, and how a belief in God was key in that. After a break, he moved on to Intelligent Design (ID). He described the arguments for ID of three men who opposed Darwin and were for ID, then moved on to the limits of ID, the value of ID, and how we (as Christians) should respond to it.

After a break for lunch, we had a group discussion, then went back to hear Dr. Duguid speak on "Techno Sapiens" or genetic manipulation. He compared the difference between healing what is sick and surpassing what is healthy. I didn't completely agree with what he said, but he had some great points. I actually had a more conservative view towards it than he did, but perhaps I'll discuss that later. He ended by saying that we want to be pneuma-sapiens, or "spirit people". People who are "serving Jesus while we wait for His return."

we then went, and played basketball against the Buckley's group. We ended up winning, so it was fun... hahaha... then off to dinner.

After dinner, Nathan Sasser spoke on the Doctrine of Revelation, how God is revealed, or reveals Himself to us. He spoke about both Natural (or General) Revelation and Supernatural (or Special) Revelation. He also went into the inspiration and inerrancy of scripture.

After another short break, Nathan came back to speak on Epistematology, and disproved Descartes' arguments to show that we must start with God as a basis for our knowlege in order to get a correct worldview. (a wordview consisting of 3 elements: God, Self (or Man), and the World) This lecture basically showed that you can't start with Self as the foundation. I wasn't sure about this message and I spoke to Nathan about it later tonight. He was very hmble, and said that I had to hold scripture above anything he said, but that this was the way he understood it. I really like Nathan, he's really humble, and incredibly smart.

I met with my group (again, led bby Brent Detwiler) and we spent much of our time discussing the cannon of scripture (since Nathan didn't have time to go through everything).

I went back to my dorm and went to Steve and Chris's room where we hung out (with Drew) and talked about the lectures. Great times. Tomorrow I'm breakfasting with Steve so we can finish our discussion.

I'm having a great time. There's so much information each day, and we're so busy... but I wish I could get so much more into it. I could probably fill several semesters with these topics. I so wish I could learn more about them. We still have so much more that I'm looking forward to.

But, I'm off to bed. Goodnight. Dan's already asleep. Another early morning....

Wish you all could be here.

The Clash: Day 1

2007-08-06T20:59:00.000-07:00

Today started early, with the alarms going off at 6:30. I got up, got a shower, had my quiet time, and headed off to breakfast. After breakfast, we had our first session of the day. It was kind of a intro lecture on worldview, given by Nathan Sasser (Jeff Purswell's "uber-intern"). It was really good, but I don't have time to go into it... then we had a short break, and Jeff Purswell jumped in with his first part of his lecture entitled "The Kingdom of God" on Christian worldview. Then we had lunch, then we got together with our discussion groups (mine lead by Brent Detwiler!) and discussed the messages. I have an amazing group. It's been great to get to know them, as little as I do so far.

After that, we went back to hear Jeff Purswell's second part. Then off to play games. My group played kickball.... and we lost... but we would've won if we had more time... we were coming back.... we got off to a bad start... and only played 3-4 innings....

After a shower, we went to dinner... the food isn't that bad here at Messiah College... then off to our next lecture given by Natha Sasser again, about the Doctrine of God. He got into the incommunicable atributes of God, and used God's name for himself to expound on that. (Yaweh... "I AM WHO I AM") It was really good.... and I managed to stay awake.

After another coffe/tea/soda break (where I grabbed a soda for caffine, then realized... and taking my first sip.... that it was caffine free.... so I got tea...) we went to hear our last lecture. Nathan spoke again on Metaphysics. It was very deep and definately made you think. Even though I was half falling asleep from exhaustion, I was engrossed in it. I love all the philosophy and logic that he was using. After Nathan finished, he took some questions, then released us to meet with our groups again.

Well, that's a quick overview of the first (full) day. Tomorrow's like it too, except I have to be at the lectures early to help with the "techy" stuff... So, I'm gonna grab some sleep, since it's going to be so packed. Goodnight.

The Clash: Intro (first evening)

2007-08-05T21:15:00.000-07:00

A quick note, cause it's late, and I gotta be up at 6:30.

We arrived here, had dinner, then went to orientation. Then we had a ice cream social, and I was bad and ate some.... and I met my discussion group. My leader is Brent Detwiler, and he seemed pretty cool. I was excited to meet him....

So, I met a bunch of new people, and saw a bunch of people that I haven't seen for a while.... fun times.

Anyways, I have to go to bed, but just wanted to update you. I'm having fun so far. Talking to Dan right now (he's in my room)....

So, that's it til tomorrow.... which will be packed.... goodnight.

Neighborhoods...

2007-06-19T16:53:00.000-07:00

They don't make developments like they used to. I grew up in Edgewood, in Harford Square. Although the area has gotten worse (with gang activity and all) it was a great place to grow up. I had a bunch of friends in my court, we had woods and fields to play in... it was great.

Nowdays, with new developments, houses are put into any available space. Flag lots make sure that every possible space is taken. There are no fields for kids to play baseball, tag, chase butterflies (with sticks), play "guns", play rundown, and all the other activities that we did as kids. The only place my little brother had to play (we moved while he was young) was the woods... and the only reason that they were there was because they were protected (wwetlands).... Developers build as many houses as they can. They could care less about the kids.

And, so, here we are, with kids who stay inside playing video games all the time. Newspapers, magazines, TV stations always are talking about how kids are obese and don't get excersize. But, where are they to play? They get sent out, into their little 10x12 backyard, where they kick a ball against the house until they get yelled at. So, what do they have left to do? Play video games.

They don't make neighborhoods like they used to....

To Be: Human

2007-06-11T20:43:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about stuff in general (which I do often.... even if it is rather dangerous... and illegal in some places....) and I decided that the thing that makes us human (and this is only ONE way to put it)... is that there are things that are more important than living.... or, to put it the other way around: There are things that are worth dying for. I think that that is what makes us different than other creatures... for them it's all about survival.

And I think it's when we lose that, then we become the most like animals. Morals leave... the good of others does not matter... we care only for life.... we cling to that.

From a biblical perspective, humans (and only humans) are made in the image of God... we reflect Him (though distorted it is by sin). So what did God do? Jesus, the "God-Man" came and died for us, taking our sin, so that we could live with God forever. God saw something worth dying for.

"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."
-John 15:13

"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers."
-1 John 3:16

What's worth dying for you?

The World is my Oyster

2007-04-19T12:44:00.000-07:00

As I began to reflect on my life, and where I am at, I began to see that, as a young man in college, that the world was my oyster. It's just waiting for me to make something out of my life.

Then, as I contemplated my life some more, I began to see that I was right. The world is my oyster.... only, seagulls have stolen it from me. The swoop high into the air, dropping it onto the rocks below. Again and again I reach out for it, just to have it snatched and taken high into the air, where it is then dropped onto the rocks below. And I can only wait and watch... praying for a chance to grab it.... each time fearing that it will crack, and all the seagulls will greedily eat it up, leaving me alone with nothing but empty shards of broken shell upon the rocks.

Such is life ;)

Unsatisfied

2007-04-11T19:52:00.000-07:00

I just want so much more. I feel empty, unsatisfied. No, I'm not worried about material things. I don't need money or things.... I've got enough to distract me. I need something more.

And the worst thing is, I know I can have it. I just need to reach out and take it from my loving Father who is holding it out to me.... wanting me to ask Him for it.

So, what holds me back? If I want it so much, then why do I keep trying to fill it with other things? Why don't I feel like it? I'm like that child that C.S. Lewis talks about who is content to play in the mud in the slums, just because he can't imagine what a vacation at the beach is like. Why am I satisfied (yet not truly satisfied) by so little? Why do I fill up my time with these stupid things? Why don't I care about things?

I feel like I am in a stall.... knowing where I want to be, yet not containing the strength to get there. I just need a start.... a push... out of this rut, this mud. I just can't handle this.... Jesus, help me.

So, here I am, feeling alone and helpless. Maybe this is something like Paul felt when he wrote:

I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with
the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that
dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my
flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry
it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what
I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do
it, but sin that dwells within me. So I find it to be a law that when I want
to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my
inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against
the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my
members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of
death?
Romans 7:15-24 (ESV)

Thankfully, he answers his question... and my question... in the next verse:

Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.
Romans 7:25

Then, the sweet, sweet verses that begin Romans 8:

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.

Isn't this glorious? Well, I've been encouraged.... even while writing this... hahaha that's rather crazy.... Anyways, maybe a quick prayer for me? I could use it.... and maybe ask me about it or something.... let's see what God will do...

CD's :)

2007-04-09T07:13:00.000-07:00

So.... I went out with my family on Saturday. We drove up to the Lancaster PA, area... it was fun, just driving around together.

Anyways, so we stopped in some outlets and I went into this music store called "Music for a Song".... they basically sell CD's, DVD's, and Rock accesories and decor. I've been there once or twice before. I was browsing through, and I saw used Cd's.... so I picked up a couple. David Phelp's "Life Is A Church"... I've heard something about him, and I thought I'd check him out. I also got Trouble With X by The W's....

So, I was leaving the store, pleased with my purchases, when I went to the next store, a Christian book store, where they were having a "Going Out of Buisiness Sale".... where, (suprise, suprise) I found more CD's. The options were limited, but the proces were great. I got five(5) CD's for less than $7. rather good... even though some of them were a little dated.... one went back to 1998... but still... But, I also got a bible there.... a small leather ESV.... I wanted one that I could carry around easily....

BTW, is anyone familiar with a band called Rufio? I've heard one(1) song by them, called "One Slow Dance" which I rather liked, but I haven't heard anything else by them. I was tempted to buy a CD, but I didn't feel like paying for what I wasn't sure about..... but I like their name.... takes me back... RU_FI _OOOOOOOOOH!!! hahaha

judging those who judge?

2007-03-27T07:38:00.000-07:00

Okay, so, my last post kinda took off from what I was originally was going to say, and I didn't want it to get too lang, so..... I'll say it here, or try to, anyways.

This was on a wall in chalk (yellow, if you were wondering):

"They condemn what they don't understand."
(said by Marcus Tullius Cicero.)

I wasn't sure what to think about this. I mean, I typically don't like to judge, or other people judging others.... but something about it struck me as wrong....

Maybe it's because quotes taken out of context can become dangerous. Even scripture can. I'm not sure how Cicero originally used it. I haven't read any of his works....

Maybe it's just the way I think, always looking for exceptions to things....

But, here's basicsally my thoughts:

Take Hitler. (Yes, he's always the example.... but I'm looking for easy, not original).... I don't understand him. I've heard his book, Mein Kampf, shows a little into his mind.... and I haven't read that.... but still, who can really understand why he did all that he did? Or how he was able to do it? I don't understand this. And yet, I condemn it.

I think that the quote by Cicero has become a cry for people to "not be judged". I hate that word. I hate that phrase. It is so overused, especially by people who shouldn't be using it. And people use "judging" as any form of classification or steriotyping. The reality is: Everyone "judges" others. It doesn't make it right, but they do. Our minds work that way.

Here's what I think:

We are going to steriotype. We are going to even judge sometimes. If I see someone dressed like a punk, I'm going to think that they are probably into anticonformity or whatever. (Just as an example) But, the key is, I'm not going to assume they are. I'm not going to make a judgement on them. I'm not going to treat them diferently just because of the way they dress. I generalize, but I don't assume everyone who appears to fit that catagory actually does. I could say (as an example, just because it comes to mind.. I don't necessarily believe this) Emo kids are depressed. Now, if I see someone dressed like an emo kid, then I'm not going to assume that they are depressed and sit at home crying and cutting themselves.

Here's the other part of my thoughts:

There are certain things that are immoral. Back to Hitler: I think what he did was immoral. I do not understand, nor do I really want to understand him. But, I condemn what he did. So, there's also a moral side of things. The Bible is my moral guide (along with my conscience and the Holy Spirit, both of which God gave me for this purpose).... so, there are many things that are considered "hot topics" that I have opinions on becase of my moral beliefs. For instance: Abortion I believe is wrong.

And so many times I find myself not speakingout my beliefs because I don't want to offend people or I don't want people "judging me' for "judging them" (hahaha, ahd to stick that in)..... there's a problem there. I need to speak out what I believe. If I don't, if we don't, then the voices of those of us who do will be drown out by those who oppose us. Which is what I think is happening now..... but that's another post....

You may have killed God, but my God lives

2007-03-27T06:37:00.000-07:00

So, I was walking to the Commons at school, heading up to where my friends hang out, when I saw it written in chalk on a wall.

"They condemn what they don't understand."

This was originally said by Marcus Tullius Cicero. As I read it, I wasn't sure what to think. Growing up, I was always against "being judged" or "judging others".... but it seems that more and more I begin to question that. It's not that I think that we should condemn or judge everything that we don't understand, or even disagree with. But, have we taken tolerance too far? Should everything be acceptable? Should people be allowed to live however they want, to act in any way that they please?

Obviously, this is impossible. The desires of one often cross those of others. Our laws keep us from harming each other.

But, is that all that our laws have become? Are they simply there to guarantee the rights of people? A part of me is okay with this.... But a part of me is asking what ever happened to the morality of our laws?

Have we become the madmen that Nietzsche spoke of? Have we killed God?

As our society moves away from religion, the morality that goes with it is pointless. What are we left with? People's rights? Where do they come from? Is anything wrong? Are we to become gods, making our own truths?

Where are we to go from this? What's the next step? I'm afraid to think of where we will be in forty or fifty years. When even truth is subjective, what is impossible?

This is my comfort: my God is not dead.... and my Savior was dead, but is now alive! I know the Truth. My feet are upon the Rock. What do I have to fear?

The Quest II: Session I: Perfect Man

2007-02-08T14:17:00.000-08:00

The first message was given by Dave Harvey. It was out of Romans 5:18-19, which says:

(18) Therefore, as one trespass led to condemnation for all men, so one act of righteousness leads to justification and life for all men. (19) For as by the one man's disobedience the many were made sinners, so by the one man's obedience the many will be made righteous.
Basically, Mr. Harvey talked on Jesus' life. Well, more on how He lived his life, I guess. As Christians, we focus on Jesus' death, which is good, but we tend to forget about his life.

The death of Christ was sufficient to take away our sins. His death paid that penalty. So, why did He have to live a perfect life?

Because, if He had not lived that life, if he had not been perfect, if He had not been good, which man is not, then that's right where we would be.... sinless.... but not righteous.

When Christ gave himself for us, we did not only receive His lack of sin, we received His credit as well. Basically, as I've heard it said (forgot who, exactly... it's been quoted a bunch) that God treated Christ as we deserved, so that He could treat us as Christ deserved. Basically, all the good that Christ had perfectly done, all His obedience and righteousness was put onto us. God sees us in Christ, in His perfectness, in His righteousness. Wherever we have failed, Christ has succeeded. He was tempted in all the ways we were, but He was without sin.

Because of Christ's righteous life, we are no longer in the negative.... but we aren't neutral either.... we have been given a full account of what Christ has done.

Is this not glorious?!

So, where does that leave us? Why is this important to understand?

I. It fills out what God sees when He looks at us. He sees all that Christ did when He looks at us. Doesn't that make such a difference? When we fail, when we feel covered, soiled with sin, God sees Christ. Sure, sin can get in the way of our relationship, but God's arms are still open. All our filth was washed away. We can approach with confidence. We also can earn nothing with our our obedience. Christ has already earned everything we have.

II. It positions us so that our choices and obedience matters. Why does it matter? Because of the cross. Sin does alter our relationship with God. But, God has written His law on our hearts. Because of the cross, we are given new hearts, hearts that desire to follow and obey God. We want to know our God, our Savior, more. Obedience strengthens our relationship with God. God also promises rewards for those who are obedient as well. Basically, God gives us a desire to obey Him, which strengthens our relationship with Him, and we will be rewarded for it. How great is that?

So, Christ's life does matter. If He would have just come and died, we wouldn't have the great relationship that we have with Him now..... which leaves me with another topic to discuss at another time... maybe you can comment..... Are we better off now than Adam was? Anyways, I hope this encourages you. Isn't God great? (can we say understatement?)

The Quest I : General Overview

2007-01-18T05:31:00.000-08:00

Okay, so, there was so much at the men's conference that I wanted to write about that I decided to make a series of posts. This being the first one, I wanted to use it to introduce the series and the conference, as well as giving an overview and basis for my other posts.

The conference was called The Quest: A Journey Through Biblical Masculinity. It took place in Hershey, PA. All the "Dave Harvey" churches were there, including churches from the UK. It took place over three days and was lead by Dave Harvey.

The Theme of the conference was, as reflected in the title, Biblical Masculinity. There were four main sessions, two breakout sessions, and a optional "special" session. The main sessions were given by Dave Harvey, Pete Greasely, and Josh Harris. They were all excellent and will be reflected upon in later posts. I will probably go through each one with at least one post each. The breakout sessions were excellent as well. There were many to choose from, and, unfortunately, you could only choose two.

The retreat was excellent. God definately used the retreat in my life to speak to many areas in my life, and, from talking to others, it seems like He used it in other people's as well. But, I'll go into that more later.

One more note: The worship. Thanks you Bob Kauflin for leading it. It was great. It's just cool to see 1400 people (or was it 1600?) men worshipping together. And that's just a taste of what Heaven will be like....

God is amazing (little but of an understatement there... but what can words do?)

Single's Retreat 2006

2006-11-28T11:20:00.000-08:00

Okay, so we just had the single's retreat this past weekend. The theme was "His Presence"... which I thought was kinda vague..... I was kinda like, "why can't they talk about girls or lust or the spiritual disiplines, or something that would be good for me to hear..... but.... God's so great! God used the messages to speak to all those areas of my life, as well as many other areas....

C. B. Eder gave three of the four messages. Man, I love the guy. I got to eat lunch with him, and hang out afterwards with him. He was so encouraging with the things I have going on.... everything from finding a wife to just worrying about where God is taking me.

While preparing for a message, he read about David's Mighty Men (1 chronicles 11 or 2 Samuel 23).... he got all pumped up about it, and even made an encouragement before one of his messages about it.... that we should be mighty men for God and all.... But, we joked about it.... He was like, we already know what Jesus has done, and are greatful for it..... but, we need to ask ourselves.... W.W.B.D..... What Would Benaiah Do?.... and he was like, "imagine going up to a guy like Benaiah and being like 'I'm just having trouble sharing the gospel with this guy at work... I'm just worrying what he would think of me.' and Beniah would be like, 'Don't even talk to me about that... go over there'. I just want to be able to look Benaiah in the eyes when I get to heaven."

So.... we played tackle football with another church and some of the people that worked there. During the game, we joked about W.W.B.D. We all laughed, when C. B., after tackling someone and ripping their shirt, wrapped the piece of the shirt left in his hands around his head as a "trophy" to his "great exploit"..... it was a nice tackle....

Afterwards, we went to his room to get a shower (because we had all checked out, but they had let him keep his room, so he could take a nap, since he was driving home that night).... and it was great, there were about eight of us waiting for the shower, just hanging out, talking about our "great football exploits" and having a great time of fellowship with him.

Anyways, during the last message, Jimmy had a sense that there were people who were "In darkness" and depressed and "feeling alone" and stuff..... He asked them to raise their hands, and I did.... because I've been struggling with feeling depressed and stuff for a while.... and it was great.... I looked around, and I was surrounded by people who I knew loved me.... people that God had given me.... and as they prayed for me, I just felt God's love for me... Then C. B. came over and he had a word for me.... He shared about God having a special plan for me, that this was a turning point in my life, and about a few different things that I was facing..... it was so encouraging. Afterwards, I went up and had him pray for me for something in particular that he mentioned in his word for me.

So, I've come home encouraged... and motivated. I feel a genuine love for God, at a level I haven't felt for a long time... a desire to be in the word, and to have a genuine, personal relationship with Jesus... I have a passion to live for him.

However, there are a few things that I have kinda given up for a while.... I felt while I was there, that if I wanted lasting change, then I would have to make some changes..... there are certain changes that I feel like God wants me to make..... I know that they won't be easy, and some things I didn't think I could ever give up.... It's funny.... I know it will be hard, but I feel so much love for God that it doesn't seem as important or hard as I always thought it would be..... but, it still is hard.....

And, I'm back in real life now, and I know that it's going to be hard to change things and to keep them changed, and I know my flesh is going to fight.... but, WWBD? so.... I'm looking forward to see what God has for me. I really expect this to be a turning point in my life.... a time that I will point back to and up to God for.

Sorry this was so long.... But, God did alot!

2006-11-14T13:08:00.000-08:00

Answered?

Okay.... so, two posts ago, I posted something..... basically relying on God....

Well, he answered me. I was talking to a friend about stuff that she was going through, and she mentioned how she thanked God through the hard things she goes through..... It kinda struck home, and I was encouraged and challenged to be able to do that.... So, thanks to God for that.... and thanks to her for being willing to share with me.

2006-11-13T18:06:00.000-08:00

Okay, I figured I'd post about the Wild West Party!!! (YEEEEHAAAAW!!!!)

Anyways, my church had a Wild West Party for the kids.... I got to help out..... it was a lot of fun. I got to dress up as a cowboy.... I was probably as excited about it as any of the kids..... If not more so.....

So, everyone dressed up, and they had the kids playing games for candy. The church was decorated and all. The people in charge did an amazing job. They had an Indian section, complete with a tepee and a fire. They even had live music. It was all amazing. I pray that God used it to plant seeds in the hearts of the kids, and even the guest parents who were there. Mr. Turek (I'm sure that's what I'll always call him....) wrote an amazing "western" version of the Gospel, which he shared to the kids in a sort of "story time". He even spoke with a western draw..... It was great.... I only got to hear the end... I wish I could've heard the whole thing.

Anyways, it was fun.... Too bad it's over.

2006-11-13T18:05:00.000-08:00

Okay.... tired of everything right now......

Life's hard..... thank God I have a Savior, a Helper, and a Father.... I need them all.....

2006-10-25T10:28:00.000-07:00

Silently Screaming....

Okay.... this is a poem/song thing that I wrote a bit ago and posted on my myspace.... I figured I would post it here too....

I wrote it when I was kinda... depressed... or something.... anyways...

here it is.... so.... enjoy, or whatever....

Every so fragile, ever so frail,
Alone and cold, ever so scared,
So easily broken, evermore
Can't ever be fixed, no more

When life is fleeting, When life is gone away,
When life seems so empty,
When life is almost over,
Will I be alone?
Will you be there?

If I wear these dark glasses
So that you can't see my eyes,
Can you still see through me?
Can you see the tears I cry?

And I find myself alone again.
Are you with me? Are you here?
Why don't I ever feel you?
Why do I still cry in fear?

And I draw back alone again.
And I push everyone away.
But this smile and laugh
Still let's the hurt stay.

And I sit alone right here
Wishing you would call me,
Wishing you would be there,
Wishing you could see...

But life is so fleeting,
And life is going away,
And life is so empty,
And life is almost over,
Am I alone?
Are you here?

The silence is so deafening,
It makes my stomache sick.
Will I ever get an answer?
Or will I just live... and die... with it

2006-09-12T09:33:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've written a blog... well, since I've really written anything. But, I'm going to be getting back into it.... I think.... that's the plan.
Anyways, life's been crazy recently, but God's been good. There are two constants for you. :)
So... I was just writting to say that I'm going to be writting.... yeah.... so.... I'm Back!!!
But this isn't a real blog... I'll write that later.... because I have homework to do.... so... bye!

2006-03-23T05:21:00.000-08:00

Just for the record, The previous posts (save the first one) where copied over from my Xanga.

2006-03-23T05:20:00.001-08:00

Currently Listening: Swiss Army Romance
We are all dying...
It's true, we are all dying. Each passing moment carries us closer and closer to our death. Each breath we take is one less that we have less. No one knows exactly when we will die. No one knows exactly how we will die. All that we can know is that we will die. So were does that leave us?
It gives us a couple of things to consider. First of all, what happens when we die? There are several views of this. Everything from "we just cease to exist" to "we become one with everything". I believe that when we die we will face judgement (Hebrews 9:27). Each person will stand before to give account for his life. We will each be compared to the standard of perfection. How will you measure up? I know what I will look like. My life will contrest the pure white with my own filthy dark mess of a life. But... this is the great part... I will know that it doesn't matter. The great thing is that it is impossible to be perfect. Otherwise their would be no hope for me. I am so greatful for the next verse, Hebrews 9:28. It mentions Christ. He payed for my sins, everything I ever did wrong. His red blood washed my filthy life clean. Now, through that red lense, my life will look pure white. That is why I can face death and not be worried about it. And I'm not gonna lie. There is a part of me that is still scared of death. But I know what is waiting for me, and I know that I have a God who is with me. How about you? Where will you be? Will you have something to take your sins away?
Here's my second point. What will your tombstone say? What will you leave behind. How we live is so important. Will you live with eternity in mind? Or will you waste your life on the here and now? I've heard it said that you can't take it with you... but you can send it on ahead. I just want to encourage you to remember that. I don't know about you, but I want to be remebered for the great things I did for God. I want to go out with a bang.... That's what I want on my tombstone.

2006-03-23T05:20:00.000-08:00

Currently Listening: With Abandon

My Story
This is my story right now.
I was blessed to go to Boston last June with the CDS to serve at King of Grace Church. I knew that it would be a fun time and a cool experience. But I had no idea what all God had planned for me while I was there...
While I was there, God openned my eyes to a whole new perspective, a whole new perspective of everything. He changed my whole life around. I wanted more than just a comfortable life.
While I was there, I was able to live in a way that I never had before. Even though it was a lot of fun, the trip was also a lot of work. I was basically forced to be calling out to God and praying throughout the day. The fellowship was great too. Steve and Alex led out in praying for eachother and encouraging eachother. WE were able to confess to eachother openly where we were struggling. The guys were humble enough to be open, which helped me to as well.
While we were there, one of the members of the church gave us all CD's with messages by John Piper on them. I didn't listen to them until about a month after I was home. But the two messages struck something in my heart. They were both from a series called "Desiring God". The first one I listened to was called "Boasting Only in the Cross of Christ". The second one was called "Doing Missions when Dying is Gain". These two messages hit me like no other message had. God gave me a glimpse of what could be. On one of the messages, John Piper pleads to the young people to not waste your life. He describes a couple who retires early, moves to Punta Gorda, Florida, and spends there time on their large yaught, playing softball, and collecting shells. He went on to explain that, although the American mentality that we are sold sees this as great, in the light of eternity, it is nothing. What will they say to God? "Look at my boat" or "I have a cool shell collection"? He describes this as a tragedy. He then described two single women, serving God in a third world country, who died in a car accident while trqaveling between villages. Neither had ever been married, both were nearly 80. "This", Mr. Piper said,"Is not a tragedy."
Mr. Piper ssaid that to make a difference in this world, you don't have to know a lot of things. You just have to know a few things, and be willing to die for them. I ask myself am I ready to die for them? Wouldn't that be a great end?
Then I met Keith Green. I was given a biography of him by my parents. I didn't read it right away, but when I did, I was blown away. This was a man, not perfect, but determined to please God. Everything he did, he tried to do for God's glory. He even gave away his music. His music was completely given over to God, which is evident to anyone who listens to his songs. He opened up his home to anyone who needed a place to stay. He had to buy more houses, and eventually move to a ranch, to have the room for all the people who came. Basically, he was a man who had completely given his life to God. God was his life, his master, his everything.
AS I read about this man, I was challenged to live for God, to hold nothing back, to give him everything.
After all of this, myt focus had completely changed. I saw life differentely. I wanted to live completely for God. I wanted Him to have my whole life.
So then what happened? I'm not sure. I have this desire, but I found that it's harder to live it out. I see other people, and the way that they seem to be living, and it doesn't seem right. Even other Christians. And I 'm not talking about all Christians, and not even most Christians, but many Christians in America do not give God their all. They are just satisfied to not go to Hell. They don't care if what they do on earth matters in eternity. I want my life to matter. I want to be the grain that gives back one-hundred fold, not 30 or 60. I want all that God has for me.
But then there's the part of me that just wants to be comfortable, to be entertained, who wants it easy. I struggle to control this part. I know that I need God's help here.
anyways, more later, gtg

2006-03-23T05:19:00.000-08:00

Currently Reading: Make My Life a Prayer

I was reading a collection of writings of Keith Green. He said something that struck me....right between the eyes. He was talking about how Christians in America are blessed with both material wealth and spiritual wealth.
I think you know what I mean by material wealth. Compared to many other countries, Americans have a lot of "stuff". We have everything we need and more. Millions of dollars are spent each year just on entertainment. As Christians, we are called to be responsible with our wealth. It was given to us by God, and it still belongs to Him. He wants us to be willing to give it back to Him for His work, and to trust Him. I know that this is something that I struggle with. I have trouble trusting God with my tithe, much less anything beyond that. But God wants us to be willing to give our money to His work. I'm sure that treasure in heaven is better than treasure on earth. It lasts longer. Are you willing to give your money and possessions to God? Is He asking you to give in some way?
By spiritual wealth, I don't mean that we are at all "better". What I mean is that God has given us a country in which we don't need to fear being identified as a Christian. Because of this, there are countless spiritual books to be read, Bibles are everywhere, in every hotel room. But heres the main thing. We have the freedom to share our faith. We are given the oppurtunity to freely spread the Gospel with no fear of being shot, or turtured, or beaten, or having our possessions burned, or being thrown in prison. What's the worst thing that we face? Being ridiculed? Being made fun of? Losing our reputation? Not being "cool"?
Come on, there are thousands of Christians in other countries who are sticking there necks out, facing death and torture, to spread the Gospel to their neighbors, knowing that any one of them could turn them in. And we are content to just go to our large, confortable churches and meet together, maybe encourage eachother, and go throughout the week, never even seeing the countless unbelievers that cross our paths, the many oppurtunities that God is placing right in front of your eyes, if we would only open them up, and take them off ourselves. They are going to hell. They are facing eternal separation from God. And they don't even know it. They just know that they are empty inside, that something is missing. They are were you would be, right now, if God hadn't already used someone else to tell you of his good news. God could use you. God wants to use you. Will you let Him? Are you willing to put your reputation on the line for God? He laid down His life for you.
This is really important to me, because I know that I struggle with this at least as much as anyone who will read it. But God has stirred my heart, and I hope he will stir others as well.

2006-03-23T05:18:00.000-08:00

I'm just feeling kinda worn out right now. I know that I need to be actively pursuing God, and I know that I'm not, but I don't even really feel like it anyways. I just wish that I could fix everything immediately, but I know it doesn't work like that. But I am just tired of struggling with the same things over and over and over......
Lord, give me the strength I need to keep following you.... Because I can't keep this up alone.

2006-03-23T05:17:00.000-08:00

Awesome Song....

Simple, but awesome

The Gospel Song
Holy God in love became,
Perfect man to bear my blame,
On the cross, He took my sin,
By His blood, I live again.

2006-03-23T05:16:00.000-08:00

Bought with a Price

I have been redeemed. I have been bought with the blood of Christ. Christ died so that I can live.
Which leaves me with this: what happens now?
I believe that my life is no longer mine. I was a slave to sin, now I am a slave to Christ. Christ died for me so that I might live for him.
I have a problem with the "American" church's mindset of freedom. We have not just been freed from our sins. We are not free to live for ourselves. We need to live for Christ. He is our master. If we lose sight of this fact, I feel like we are playing into the plan of the Devil. We are not fulfilling our calling as Christians, as sons of God. I feel like it is taking the gift that God gave us to use for Him, and spitting on it, using it in a way it was not designed for. It is like using a pair of earrings as tacks, or a china plate as a dog bowl.
Our lives are so short. We have one chance at this life. Why should we, why should I, live for myself? What will that get me? A short blip of a life in which I spent in vain trying to be happy, trying to get as much pleasure out of this thing called life, in this sick, twisted world. Don't you see how stupid this is? I wish we all would see this, myself included. I know that I don't live like I should. But I just feel that if we all did, this country would be different right now.
This is just something that has been on my heart for a while. I don't know if anyone will read this or not, but I even if no one else reads it, I know that it will help me.

2006-03-23T05:12:00.000-08:00

Well, I was at Xanga, but I thought I would try this place out, because I am considering moving. My main reason for this is not so much a dissatisfaction with xanga, but because almost everyone I know who blogs is here. So, I'm just gonna try it and see what happens. That is all for now.